[ Kousetsu won't blame him. This place tended to bring out both the best and worst of people. That he knew with much certainty. ] We did not, before this. But as we are now, we can choose who and what we fight as well as what we fight for.
[ At least it's progress?! ]
What you say is true. But I...believe that good people can also change those who are evil into something better. Good does not always mean weak or that they will lose. [ Kousetsu can't get behind that thought at all. ]
[ that's what people tell him — that here, he's in charge of his own destiny, and living day to day, tsurumaru knows that. day to day, imitating the mannerisms and habits of humans, even going to work in the way that humans do, but to think himself subject to the same freedoms as people is... a hard concept for him to fully comprehend. ]
But... how do you do that?
I mean, if you've grown up thinking that you couldn't change a single thing, and that no matter what you did, you couldn't defeat what fate had in store for you, because it kept taking away everything that you ever wanted, in life —
[ and by 'you', tsurumaru means himself, but he takes a breath, briefly passes the back of his hand over his eyes (and when he moves them away, there are darker marks on his gloves, but he tilts them away from view), and decides to be a bit more honest. ]
How will I suddenly start choosing who and what I fight, and what I fight for? It's impossible. I can't just wake up and start doing that, after centuries of seeing how I couldn't.
It is found a...different way for everyone. But through speaking with other people here and realizing that they...see me as human now, that alone has helped me. [ Kousetsu will frown as he watches. He knows those signs, tears of course, many a day he had to quell them for his brothers who were also in pain. Sometimes he wondered why they were given this life, to only further bring them sorrow. But there were good things to be had from this as well. As swords they couldn't comfort or talk to one another as they do now. They had more ways to help one another with these bodies, and that is what he will do for Tsurumaru.
He will wrap his arms around the other in a brief, warm, comforting hug. He'll pull away then to look back at the other. Hugs always help, right? Of course he was used to doing it for Sayo and Souza so why not Tsurumaru or the others? ]
If you need help then we are all here to guide you, Tsurumaru-san. As swords we were unable to speak to one another to ease each others pains and grief. But like this...we are able to do that now. If you are willing to speak and talk more, then I will listen and help as best as possible. That is...what I have done in the past with Tenka-san and Sousei-san and it has been helpful.
[ He nods solemnly as he looks pointedly at the other. ] There is time for us to learn and grow while here. It is...no fault of ours if we are not used to such ideas. But that only means we should try to help each other understand.
[ maybe it's just the peaceful aura that kousetsu seems to radiate, but the gesture is enough to melt a lot of his initial worries away. he's sure that he doesn't feel as soft to hug as, say, souza or sayo (and while they're a sad family, they're also a very caring family of sad gestures; he's observed them often), but tsurumaru appreciates it nonetheless, leaning his cheek against kousetsu's shoulder, and pulling away when he does. ]
It's more that I don't know where to start. [ to start speaking and talking, he means. ]
Whenever I try, I always get this sad look from people — and pity's starting to get really old, you know? I understand that most of them wouldn't understand — that it's impossible for them to understand anything like that, and that all they can do for me is give me their concern, but...
[ he shakes his head. ] I don't want anyone's pity about why I don't trust humans, or about how many of their precious lives that have slipped through my fingers, or about how I can't love anyone, unless I want to be blamed for their death.
It's unfortunate, but I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. If they can't understand, all they'll give me is their pity — and I don't want any of that.
[ Kousetsu can understand that. While his own past isn't as riddled with pain and misfortune he can only imagine how hard it must be to be treated as such for it. A past they could not change and one that people pity them for...it was bad enough as is without the added concern. ]
Humans are passionate and led by their emotions. It is only natural they respond in such a way. [ With that being agreed upon he pauses. ]
I...do not know what beings such as ourselves can do to alleviate this initial response. Perhaps...finding others who share common ground with us is something to do for the future. I am sure there are...others here that have gone through things as we all have.
It's how they respond to things they don't understand. I mean, it's fine — in the end, it's too much to expect humans to understand what it's like.
[ he doubts that he'll find people like that, though, when he already has trouble finding swords that understand, although he doesn't put too much effort into trying, because he doesn't like generating a pity pool. ugh, what cruel god took tsuru and placed him on the Highest Shelf of Maximum Suffering.... ]
They think that going forty — or fifty — years without someone is bad, and they act like it's the worst kind of despair in the world. [ but then they get to die afterwards!! what a treat!! ]
For me, I've found that it takes a few centuries — seeing the land of the people that you used to love change, and seeing civilization change, and in the end, when everything starts changing and it looks as if the people you loved were never there in the first place, that's when it gets the loneliest.
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FEBRUARY EVENT - TSURUMARU
[ Kousetsu won't blame him. This place tended to bring out both the best and worst of people. That he knew with much certainty. ] We did not, before this. But as we are now, we can choose who and what we fight as well as what we fight for.
[ At least it's progress?! ]
What you say is true. But I...believe that good people can also change those who are evil into something better. Good does not always mean weak or that they will lose. [ Kousetsu can't get behind that thought at all. ]
no subject
But... how do you do that?
I mean, if you've grown up thinking that you couldn't change a single thing, and that no matter what you did, you couldn't defeat what fate had in store for you, because it kept taking away everything that you ever wanted, in life —
[ and by 'you', tsurumaru means himself, but he takes a breath, briefly passes the back of his hand over his eyes (and when he moves them away, there are darker marks on his gloves, but he tilts them away from view), and decides to be a bit more honest. ]
How will I suddenly start choosing who and what I fight, and what I fight for? It's impossible. I can't just wake up and start doing that, after centuries of seeing how I couldn't.
no subject
He will wrap his arms around the other in a brief, warm, comforting hug. He'll pull away then to look back at the other. Hugs always help, right? Of course he was used to doing it for Sayo and Souza so why not Tsurumaru or the others? ]
If you need help then we are all here to guide you, Tsurumaru-san. As swords we were unable to speak to one another to ease each others pains and grief. But like this...we are able to do that now. If you are willing to speak and talk more, then I will listen and help as best as possible. That is...what I have done in the past with Tenka-san and Sousei-san and it has been helpful.
[ He nods solemnly as he looks pointedly at the other. ] There is time for us to learn and grow while here. It is...no fault of ours if we are not used to such ideas. But that only means we should try to help each other understand.
no subject
It's more that I don't know where to start. [ to start speaking and talking, he means. ]
Whenever I try, I always get this sad look from people — and pity's starting to get really old, you know? I understand that most of them wouldn't understand — that it's impossible for them to understand anything like that, and that all they can do for me is give me their concern, but...
[ he shakes his head. ] I don't want anyone's pity about why I don't trust humans, or about how many of their precious lives that have slipped through my fingers, or about how I can't love anyone, unless I want to be blamed for their death.
It's unfortunate, but I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. If they can't understand, all they'll give me is their pity — and I don't want any of that.
no subject
Humans are passionate and led by their emotions. It is only natural they respond in such a way. [ With that being agreed upon he pauses. ]
I...do not know what beings such as ourselves can do to alleviate this initial response. Perhaps...finding others who share common ground with us is something to do for the future. I am sure there are...others here that have gone through things as we all have.
no subject
[ he doubts that he'll find people like that, though, when he already has trouble finding swords that understand, although he doesn't put too much effort into trying, because he doesn't like generating a pity pool. ugh, what cruel god took tsuru and placed him on the Highest Shelf of Maximum Suffering.... ]
They think that going forty — or fifty — years without someone is bad, and they act like it's the worst kind of despair in the world. [ but then they get to die afterwards!! what a treat!! ]
For me, I've found that it takes a few centuries — seeing the land of the people that you used to love change, and seeing civilization change, and in the end, when everything starts changing and it looks as if the people you loved were never there in the first place, that's when it gets the loneliest.
[ he lifts his gaze. ] Wouldn't you agree?